This is the most serious matter of the day. Clash Royale is a card game for mobile devices, and that is fine and all, but most importantly, it is not pepperoni pizza. Why is it not pepperoni pizza, and what can be done to make it more like pepperoni pizza? These are burning questions that require deliberation at the United Nations General Assembly. Thankfully, blogger Eli Hodapp has decided to finally elaborate on the many ways the game should be like pepperoni pizza.

Clash Royale

Hodapp begins by pointing out all the times you’ve lost in Clash Royale (many), compared to all the times you’ve lost at pepperoni pizza (none). There’s a pay wall in Clash Royale, whether people want to admit it or not, but there’s never a pay wall when it comes to pizza. Perhaps pizza chains should consider a free-to-eat model where you can eat the pizza base for free, and get toppings as in-app-purchases?

There’s also no clear-cut way to get legendaries, getting daily crown chests can take forever, emotes are annoying, power creep is annoying, the grind to get to arena 5 is a pain, and finally, you simply cannot eat Clash Royale. All of these are problems pepperoni pizzas don’t have to face. So really, the next time you boot up Clash Royale, give it a hard think – could you be eating pepperoni pizza instead? It could change the way you think about life.